Make sure you stop to see the weird bugs

Y’all, it is World Suicide Prevention Day.

While it’s a probably trite thing to say, from the bottom of my heart I want you to know that life is so worth living, and happiness (or, at the very least, passive contentedness) is out there, even if you can’t see it yet.

Some disclaimers: yes, life is hard and you will cry a lot, and sometimes things hurt (and sometimes they hurt for a really long time), and you get mud on your suede shoes and you trip up the stairs and your front tire gets utterly masticated by an entire handful of nails, and your heart gets broken every day in little ways… but it is still so worth being alive.

There are whole lot of weird bugs that you haven’t seen yet, people you haven’t gotten to laugh with, interesting latte flavors with, like, plants in them that you may grow to love, songs that shouldn’t be twerked to that you should definitely twerk to, stores with really odd names like “Waterbeds ‘n’ Stuff” that you should explore some Saturday, sweet Goodwill finds to be had.

The world is humongous and all of its corners are beautiful, and every person on it has the innate capacity to learn, to grow, and to have an impact somewhere on someone. That applies to you.

Please believe my recovering little ass when I say that climbing yourself out of the pit of despair is worth every single broken nail and scraped knee you get along the way. It is worth every list you have to write yourself some days to make sure that you can baseline function. It’s worth picking yourself up over and over again. That wagon? It’s a fun ride to stay on it.

I cannot begin to express the enthusiasm that I have for life now, and how impossible getting to this mental place seemed to be to me just six, five, four, three years ago.

Sometimes, it crosses my mind that maybe I don’t deserve to feel better, that maybe my wellness is a sham, and sometimes when I’m feeling low I wonder if I actually am better, or if I’ve just been faking it this whole time. I am, after all, very well-practiced in the ancient art of Grin and Bear It.

But I don’t think I’ve been faking it. I’m not going to lie and say that everything’s all sunshine and roses or act like I didn’t have a crying breakdown three days ago, but that’s okay!

The point of all of this isn’t for life to suddenly be perfect. It’s not to live on easy street. The point is just power (or nap) through the bad times and to get really, ridiculously excited about the good times.

And it’s always, always enough if all you can some days is keep breathing, maybe some coffee and consider showering, but never get around to it. A lot of days, I’m right there, too. But you are never not enough. Your adequacy is never in question.

I know that reaching out is hard. Take it a little at a time; it’s alright. You’re alright.

But know, that even when you’re still trying to figure out where you’re going to get the gumption to get up, you aren’t alone in this.

Whatever you do, stick with us. You don’t have to come see the weird bugs if you don’t want to; there are plenty of other cool things out there worthy of your continued time and effort to stay.


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